argue with an elder?

I tend to write from the heart on this site and to write clearly. Not in the abstract, so it is easy to understand what I am saying. I also try to write things that are practical and that deal with real life. All of that said people OFTEN think that my writing it “pointed” to an immediate event (at least I know people are reading). Even with the last post, on moving, my saying it was the result of the request from a podcast, at least one person thought I was unhappy and moving - I’m not. If that is normally the case, the opportunity for this one to be misunderstood is HUGE. So, here are my clear and radically overstated disclaimers: I love my elders and have been blessed immensely by every eldership that I have worked with. I wrote this a good while back so it has nothing to do with ANY current actual or perceived event. Since the eldership we have at SM will change this week in a time of extreme peace it seems a good time to publish this. I wrote it to be helpful, not to be attack any person.

In my 25 years of working with elders…
In my role as a minister I have always believed that I worked for God and I worked with elders. In my role as a Christian I am to “obey them who have rule” over me and that is the elders (Hebrews 13). My experience for the most part has been that elders are shepherds and care for me tenderly and lead me to green pastures. I’d would not be forthright if I did not state that I have worked with some boogers (or to be biblical hirelings) who either lord it over the flock or do not really seem to have the best interest in the flock at hand, but that has certainly been the exception far and away. And if I didn’t feel that way about my elders here I’d be an idiot to write any of this :).
At one church where I preached I said: “No one has disagreed with our elders more here and told them than me” and I got in trouble for it. They said it sounded like we disagreed. And they were right, we do. It’s not that I fight with my elders all the time, I don’t. But the truth is few no one spends more time face-to-face with the eldership than the preacher (that’s probably a universally true statement) and few people bring more ideas, questions, people’s conflicts to them than the preacher. Therefore by sheer volume he will be in disagreement with them more than anyone else.
Now that the preamble has been written a few thoughts for EVERY Christian for those times when you disagree with your elders:

1. We eventually need to get over this fear that if we see something differently than our elders it is an insurmountable boulder! If people got conflicted with Christ - the world’s only perfect communicator they will with their shepherds.

1. They could be wrong: I think all elders should periodically say, “we reserve the right to be wrong. We are not perfect, we will not make perfect decisions, in fact we are human and will make some mistakes, we will even sin. We will make the wrong judgement call and sometimes we will admit it. Other times pride will get in the way or our vision will be cloudy and we wont even realize what a dumb mistake we made.” WOW! But it is true. This is always easy for us to believe until the mistake affect “ME” directly. And while I’m on this soapbox, let me suggest that elderships ought to periodically state a mistake they have made, just so people don’t think that they think they don’t make them.

1. They could be right: You need to consider that - if I conflict with the most mature men in the congregation, the ones who I helped select to be the leaders and that they prayerfully milled over and studied a decision there is every possibility that even if I don’t like it or it is the exact opposite of what I think should have been said/done they are making the wisest decision and I am wrong. They are more mature than I am and were selected to lead not me. I guess I may just have to wonder why and to trust.

1. I could be wrong - nah.

1. If I disagree with my elders I still must seek unity: That’s what God told me to do (Ephesians 4:3). To gossip, stir up, seek to undermine, exploit the conflict is all sinful and of Satan. Again this is easy to “amen” until it is something that I feel strongly about, but I’ve not really practiced it until I have practiced it in that arena. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with them, going to them and even after you go to them to still see it differently than do they. But it is wrong to be disrespectful or to in any way be a part of sowing discord. I’ve always been amazed at the number of people who grumble and rumble but never go to elders and talk to them. It seems to me to fit here, some of the things I’ve heard said over the years about various elderships are pure character assassination (and that on the men the people doing the shooting selected) - remember elders are real people and have feelings too. Give them “due benevolence” and love them. As a good friend once advised me: “In the end, they are the spiritual overseers, you selected them and you need to ‘obey those who have rule over you.’”

1. You need to be somewhere, serving under an eldership that shepherds your soul, who can discipline you and you grow from it, who you can feel you can approach and they will be fair and be loving and be truthful.

1. If you can’t find said eldership, then it is quite possible (read most assuredly so :)), you need to examine yourself. The problem could be you and how you view authority...again, nah…

I look forward to your additions to this...