Satire alert, this post is positively weird, I mean, Philip could have written it weird

DISCLAIMER: If you don’t like humor and can’t spot tongue in cheek comments - don’t read this.

So, I preach. So much so that I have a podcast called iPreach (shameless self-promotion here, check it out on iTunes). I’ve been preaching for over 30 years and been full time at it for 27. I don’t know how many places I’ve preached or how many meetings I’ve held or how many responses there have been. I went to one of the most awesome funerals I’ve ever been to this week where all those stats were given and found out the guys wife had kept up with all of that for him through the years, so Mel, you’re up! But I digress. Where was I going with this?

When I was a young preacher I remember thinking I wasn’t any good ‘cause I didn’t get many opportunities. My older brother Jeff (he can preach) would hold all these meetings and get all these opportunities at lectureships and all. He’d call and say something like, “hey, I’ve got a meeting in Illinois and it’s a long drive, if you have any openings and would like to go along with me I’ll let you preach a couple of times.” And I’d be like, “uh, let me check my calendar. Openings, hmm….yes, I’ve got one engagement for the next decade so I could probably swing it.” Then I’d feel sorry for those folks who booked Jeff but got me. But I think I’m digressing again. Stay on topic Dale (maybe that’s why I didn’t get many ops).

Then I moved to Granny White and it was like, “oh, get him, he’s the preacher at Granny White, he must be good.” “What’s his name? Oh, I don’t know, just call Granny White and ask for the preacher.” So I started getting a lot of calls.

Confession time now when I left GW one of my fears was that I would go into obscurity - like Bonds Stocks, or Stocks Bonds (see, that’s obscurity, in the 50’s that guy was everywhere, but now most of you have never heard of him). “We could get that guy that used to preach at Granny White.” “Yeah, what’s his name?” “Jenkins something.” “Yeah, I think it was Jeff” (with the digression again?). So I’d be in this little start up church and never be “heard” from again. But, God has been good to us and now people are calling and wanting me to tell why the stuff is happening at SM that is happening. How a church goes from 45 to over 500 in less than four years. And what I want to do is get up and say “I don’t have a clue” but that wouldn’t really be honest. So I go and preach and then AFTER I finish they are baffled and wonder how a church THIS guy preached for went from 45 to 500. And they realize it could be a lot of things but it’s not the preaching and they praise God, for it must be His doing - so it’s all good.

Back about 15 years ago I made a commitment after reading some Covey stuff that if what my core value is is as a preacher I would NEVER turn down ANY preaching engagement that I could physically get to. Which lead to weekends like last one where I traveled over 1100 miles and spoke 11 times in 4 days at 5 different places. So I now preach sometimes it seems like 24/7. For some reason I get all these opportunities, this year I’ve turned down 22 offers to preach other places - which convinces me the good guys must all be REALLY booked. (Where was I going with this...ahh the rambling :)).

Yeah, I remember. I’m wondering if anyone else is like me (I certainly hope not): I don’t care how many times I preach I fret to no end over it. Every detail, the text, the outline, the handout, the powerpoint. Is this what I want to preach about, is that what I need to say, is it too long, too short, to serious, to funny, true to the text, to simple, to deep, will it be understood, does it apply to life, where will I be misinterpreted, did I at any point “get myself in the way of the text”, will it touch the heart, will it cause a Christian to grow, will it attract or deflect an unbeliever who hears it, is this the best I can do, am I ready...will it make God happy? I won’t sleep and will work on it till time for the presentation.

I fly out to West Palm Beach tomorrow. I’ll land about 5pm and leave for the airport the next day about noon and in that 19 hours I’ll speak 4 times. My uncle, one of the greatest pure Bible scholars I know will be in the audience. Somewhere he got the idea that I’m creative and, no, that doesn’t add to the pressure. And I’m supposed to preach on family. And I have pretty simple stuff “How to have a good marriage” (Marry somebody like Melanie), “How to Raise Godly Children” (Marry somebody like Melanie), but they are paying for a ticket on Southwest and have done a lot of advertising so I figure they will want me to speak longer than that.

So, it’s Friday and I leave tomorrow morning and I’ve not slept much the last two nights cause I’m stressing over what I’ll say. I’m just wondering, does this resonate with anyone else or am I just crazy in this area too?

I suppose the lesson here might be, be careful what you pray for. I thank God for the opportunities and want to make the most of them for HIS Cause. I’m blessed beyond what I bless...