The Youth Ministry and the Terrible, Awful, No Good, Very Bad Day

With apologies to Alexander I went to sleep with two teenagers in my den and now there’s teens sleeping till noon on my couch and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on my XBox and by mistake I dropped my iPhone in the tub while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

At Starbucks Anthony found an awesome new YouTube Video and Nick found a free book offer on his Kindle but on my tablet all I found was a dead battery.

I think I’ll move to another congregation.

On the church van the driver let Jon select the CD we listened to. Josh and Eric got to select music too. I said I wanted to listen to Andy Stanley. I said I wanted to hear Skit Guys. I said, if I don’t get to pick a song I’m going to be sick. No one even answered.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

In grad class Mr. Burleson liked Andrew’s picture of the Jesus walking on the water better than my picture of the invisible God.

At devotional they said I sang off key. When teaching the books of the Bible, I left out Habakkuk. What’s a Habakkuk anyway? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

I could tell because Jamie said I wasn’t her favorite youth minister anymore. She said that Paul Spurlin was her favorite youth minister and that Joey Sparks was her next favorite youth minister and that I was only her third favorite youth minister

I hope you sit on a tack, I said to Jamie. I hope the next time you do a scavenger hunt you get lost and end up in Austria. "and yeah, I meant Austria 'Danke very much!!!!'" =)

There were two Chick-Fil-A brownies in Andy Brewster’s lunch and Luke got a Peppermint Milk Shake and Will’s wife gave him a big cupcake from Gigi’s with chocolate chips on top. Guess who's on a diet?

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

That’s what it was, because that evening I got a call from a mom who found a fault in me. When I come back next week she wants to meet with the elder’s and me.

Next week, I said, I’m going to move to another congregation.

On the way downstairs my cell phone rang in the elevator, it was the preacher and we got cut off. I hope he didn’t think I hung up on him. Buddy made up a lie about me and when I felt hurt my youth deacon said I was a crybaby and needed thicker skin.

I was having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then I went to my annual review. The preacher got a big bonus. The secretary got a cost of living raise. I hoped I’d get one too. But then the elders said; “Money’s tight this year and we’re all out.” They gave me a gift card to the mall, but they can’t make me like it!

The old people complain about how I never associate with them. The guys in the youth group complain that I don't hang out with them. My wife complains about how much I'm gone on trips, weekends, and virtually every night in the summer. I tried to explain that lots of guys have jobs that take them away a lot more than my job does. I think she's moving to Australia...I hope she'll let me come with her. =)

At the office I jammed the copier. I spilt a Monster energy drink on some books in the library. I accidentally hit reply to all on an inappropriate email. I think I broke the internet.

It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

My wife fixed english peas for supper and I hate english peas. There was a chick flick on TV and I hate chick flicks.

My battery died on my laptop while I was working on an important poster, my bulletin article didn’t get saved and I got a call that I had the nursing home devotional next Sunday. I hate nursing homes.

It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad ministry day.

My wife says some days are just like that.

But I know...heaven will be worth it!

*Written for and presented at The Youth And Family Conference at Faulkner University