Permission to Speak to You in Behalf of Your Minister

• by, Dale

The life of the minister both is and should be one of sacrifice - it is a life dedicated to serving. That is at the very heart of the word MINISTER. Paul says to “make full proof of your ministry”

However, that does not mean he does not live in a real world where he has responsibilities to family and personal health. In fact, when the Apostle writes he speaks of this “treasure” (the Gospel, see Matthew 13) in “earthen vessels.” Paul would indicate that is us. As David wrote God remembers that we are “dust” (Psalm 103:14). As men, even men of God, we must take care of ourselves and our families (1 Timothy 4:8; 5:8). 

In the church, there are few relationships that deserve and demand attention like that of the minister/elder relations. In fact, a church can never truly flourish and be as healthy and attractive to a lost world and the island of security for Saints if these relationships are toxic. It is heartbreaking to see elderships and leaderships who do not consider the minister and his personal life in their dealings with him. It is deeply troubling when the relationship, as it often is, is that of older men dealing with younger men and not considering the health and need for attention their families need. This is true as Biblically, older men are to treat younger men as sons, and the younger are to treat the older as fathers. 

We are seeing an increasing number of ministerial families collapsing and of young ministers leaving ministry. As my friend Craig says: “… ‘Making full proof’ does not mean we are bulletproof.  We are human we are jars of clay that can be shattered or chipped from the outside or from the inside.” This must be of grave concern to every congregation’s leadership. What can be done? The following are some suggestions for consideration:

1. On the front end of the relationship discuss at length expectations and what support will be given. If he is required a certain number of office hours and those are nonnegotiable, he should know that upfront. If there is no provision for pay increase, he should know that up front. If the relationship is going to be that of employ-employer, he should know that up front. While these may not be advised, if that is how an eldership operates, you have that right, BUT be honest upfront and discuss those things. 

2. Do not expect him to “drive every train.” There should be events where he is not in charge and when he can enjoy events with his family. If you have a young minister and the event is for families, let him on occasion enjoy that event with his family, not as the conductor. If you have a minister working with young people, let him enjoy some events NOT being in charge of the young people but as a dad and husband. Don’t expect him to be at EVERY event. No other member is so expected, not even the elders. Yes, he is paid, but probably not to the point that he is 24/7.

3. Remember that he is on-call 24/7: Take that into consideration. The challenge often is that the lines between, personal/family time and church life/work are blurred as they often intersect. That is not going to change. But that does not mean we can’t get a handle on it and with purpose at time ungroup the two and do some things with our family that are not church/work related and even be a part of some events where we are there for family not for work. Good leaders would do well to consider this, encourage this, and work towards this. 

4. Respect his time off: Yes, every minister knows there will be times when his off day(s) or vacation will be affected by his work. But this should not be every off day or every vacation. When those days are impacted demand that he take additional days to make up for it. In fact, I would encourage every elder to have it written into the minister’s contract that he must take a vacation. 

5. Simply be understanding: Listen when he is hurting. Pray with and for him and his family. Often a minister just needs someone to hear them and understand. Pray with him when he is struggling, as you would any family in the congregation. 

6. As his time as an employee increases consider more off time (I spoke to a young man last week who has been at the same congregation 15 years and still has the initial 10 work days a year off and to another who began with 5 Sundays a year out of the pulpit but has had that number shrink to 4 and now 2). Now, there might be a reason for this, but if not, take some time to consider it.

7. Consider a sabbatical: He is a teacher. I might add, a teacher without summers off. After 7 years or some time, give him some time away to refresh and re-coop. You’ll probably be amazed at how much better he will be when he returns. And, if he is doing well, this sort of thing will make him want to stay. 

8. Consider at least cost of living raises: Ahh, raises. Yes, he agreed to come for a certain amount. But most elders know they over time they got raises. And most elders know the cost of living makes the salary smaller. The dollar you agreed to is worth less over time. What I have noticed is that elders simply tend to forget. As we (yes, we), get older time passes quickly. I remember an eldership not too long ago who said they realized it had been seven years since they had given their preacher a cost of living raise. They were very pleased with his work and were embarrassed over their forgetfulness. Here’s a suggestion. Set a date to discuss his salary, tell him what date that will be and that if he does not hear from them by “x” date that you WANT him to ask you about it. I assure you, he won’t forget :). Like his work, occasionally give him a bonus or a performance increase in his pay. If he is worth anything, he does not do this for the money, but as George Bailey said about money in “It’s A Wonderful Life,” “It sure does come in handy down here.” (I might especially encourage you in this area if you have more than one minister. I’ve seen more times than I’d like to admit where the “pulpit” minister gets a raise and other ministers on staff do not.)

9. Publicly commend the good of his work: Don’t use this as an excuse to not pay him, but this will mean more than money to a good man. Brag on him. There will be days when a person in the congregation will attack him for something he did or did not do, or something he did or did not say. On occasion the attacker will be right, on occasion they will either just be hurt people or mean people. When he is going through those times, whether he is in the right or the wrong. assure him you have his back. He is NOT perfect. Love him as God’s imperfect man. 

10. Realize young men are watching NOW who will or will NOT be the ministers of the future: How many men with talent, passion, and ability have been lost to ministry because they watched how the preacher was treated or how he was talked about and decided to not preach.

Yes, ministry is, and should be a life of sacrifice, but don’t make it because of how you mistreated him as an elder or church leader. We hear the war stories and they get propagated, for every one mistreated minister there are probably 50-100 who never experience it on a grand enough level to cause a bump in their emotions. So, thank you. Thank you elders who shepherd and make the life of your minister more navigable. Thank you elders who rule with a gentleness that aids ministers in their personal growth. And for those who don’t or haven’t, today’s a great time to start.