How to Leave Well

If you find yourself needing to leave a congregation, do it in a way that honors Christ and preserves unity. Here’s how:

1. Pause Before Parting

Don’t do it quickly and in a huff. Time and prayer should guide your choice, not impulse. “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11).

2. Practice Personal Honesty

Strive to be honest with yourself: This may not be easy to hear, but make sure this is not about your own inability to be under the authority of elders OR your personal insistence that you get your way. If the only time you are “under” their authority is when they do what you want then be honest about it, you are not under their authority, but your own. And the second, if you leave just because you didn’t get your way, you are a baby! It’s time to mature (Hebrews 5).

3. Preserve Peace

Leave with grace. Don’t burn bridges. Behave - you may want to go back someday.

4. Prevent Poisonous Talk

Avoid gossip: Gossip can appear in the form of “well, it’s the truth.” Gossip is sometimes just truth weaponized. Slandering the Lord’s church does harm to His name and can sow unnecessary discord (Proverbs 16:28).

5. Pursue Reconciliation

If conflict played a role in your decision, make every effort to leave without unresolved bitterness (Romans 12:18).

6. Part with Praise

At some point, meet with them, tell them you are leaving, and thank them for how they have cared for and blessed your family over the years. Even if things are ending badly, for some time someone there invested in you, taught you, prayed for you, instructed you. I can tell you as a minister that over the years, when someone left a congregation where I was the preacher and never talked to us, it hurt. But what hurt more was if they never said “thank you.” Any good minister has invested heart and soul into you and your family. Leaving without expressing gratitude seems both unkind and unbiblical (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13).

7. Protect Your Heart

Pray for your own heart that you do not grow cynical about the church of the Lord. satan would dance a jig if he could cause that to get in your heart. It will bring on bitterness, and every other evil thing will follow. Guard your heart. Don’t allow yourself to make excuses or justify your own anger!

8. Press Forward in Faith

Acknowledge the pain, but don’t dwell in it. The quicker you release hurt to the Lord, the less power it has over you. Healing comes through moving forward in faith, not lingering in past wounds.

9. Pray for the People You Left

Pray for the church there. If you were hurt, part of your emotional and spiritual healing and health going forward involves being able to pray for the best for those who hurt you (Matthew 5:44-46).

10. Pick Your Next Place Prayerfully

Consider the new place carefully – make sure you are moving toward a congregation that aligns with biblical truth, fosters growth, and offers accountability.