A “Debby Downer” Can Destroy a Church.

Making real friends in the congregation/not having friends. This can be a real conundrum for some ministers and wives. 

Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”. 

If you aren’t friendly to members of your congregation, they perceive you as uninterested in them and their needs. It is hard to confide in members of your church. Having one or two close friends is important. How we interact with members of our congregation is monumentally important. Even if we have to get out of our comfort zone, meeting and greeting people at church is very important. 

When my boys were young, I told them on Sunday mornings, “You have to say hello to at least three people before we can leave.” They probably thought this was some form of punishment, but I made it clear people are important and the simple act of saying hello shows you “see” them and care about them. My personality is more reserved, and I would rather blend into the background. You must show people you notice and love them. 

Having close friends within the congregation can be tricky. Do I tell them my husbands’ faults or my struggles? I say yes to a point. It is important for the church members to see us as infallible humans just like them. 

I will say, I have a few, very close friends that I don’t go to church with. Sharing my personal struggles with someone outside my congregation gives me a safe place to emotionally unload. They are the ones who are “closer than a brother.”

We cannot underestimate to importance of how we interact with all members of our congregation. Think of how a mother’s attitude, nurturing, and strength benefit her family. We must show our congregation the same qualities.  A “Debby Downer” can destroy a church. If we show each member how much we care, we can be stronger together. 

Susan Monan, Pinnacle Church of Christ