Overcoming Criticism: Handling Expectations and Judgement
As a preacher's wife, you are often thrust into a spotlight that comes with immense scrutiny and high expectations. The congregation looks to you as a role model, a pillar of support, and an embodiment of faith. Some congregations will elevate you to a position of informal leadership and put you on a pedestal. Yet, along with these honors come inevitable criticisms and judgments that can sometimes feel overwhelming. In moments when the weight of others' opinions becomes too heavy to bear, it's crucial to remember that your worth is not defined by human standards, but by God's unwavering love and approval. This understanding can provide a strong foundation for coping with criticism.
Begin by grounding yourself in the truth of who you are in Christ. Every morning, especially before meeting up with others, read some verses that will help remind you of God’s promises and your identity in Him. Genesis 1:26: We are made in God's image, and He loved us before He created the universe. First Peter 1:2-9: We are not forgotten; we have been chosen and destined by God and set apart to be His holy ones. Hebrews 10:35-36: It is okay to have confidence and do His will. You will receive what He has promised. These are just a few verses to remind us that we are here for a purpose, and His plan and purpose for us are far more important than what others think or believe about us. Try to listen more than speak and focus on the talent God has given you. We can’t do it all, be it all, and be great at it all.
Engage in activities that boost your emotional well-being. This could include journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking professional counseling when needed. A wise preacher’s wife, Pam Baggett, told me to find the one thing I am passionate about in ministry and do my best. Be confident in who you are and whose you are. Ensure you are taking care of your physical health through adequate rest, exercise, and nutrition, as these can significantly impact your emotional resilience. When we are exhausted, we can overthink and overreact. We won’t always realize it in the moment, but will for sure after the fact. Walking is also a great way to help your body, mind, and soul.
Seeking constructive feedback is a humbling and crucial practice. It's not about seeking validation but about seeking growth. Not all feedback is created equal. It's important to seek out opinions from those who genuinely care about your well-being and have your best interests at heart. These are the ones that have nothing to gain from you. Their feedback can provide valuable insights and support, helping you navigate the challenges you face. When seeking feedback, be specific about what you want to know. This can help you get more focused and actionable advice. Learn to discern between constructive criticism that can help you grow and negative comments that tear you down.
It is extremely important to maintain a positive mindset as a preacher’s wife. Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the blessings in your life. This practice can shift your focus from negative feedback to positive aspects of your journey. Regularly affirm your strengths and accomplishments. Celebrate small victories and acknowledge the progress you’ve made. Reduce exposure to negative influences, whether they are people, media, or situations that bring you down. Remember, we are all human and have different perspectives. But it's our choice to focus on the positive.
Lastly, but more importantly, we need to focus on God’s approval through it all. Spend time daily in prayer and Scripture reading to deepen your relationship with God. Let His words be the ultimate guide and reassurance in your life. Remember how Jesus handled criticism and rejection. He stayed focused on His mission and maintained His connection with the Father. Ensure that your actions and service come from a place of love and obedience to God rather than a desire to please people. Because, in the end, it's His approval that matters most.
Let God’s voice be louder than the whispers of doubt, for His approval and love are all you need.
Kristin Sampson * Florence, AL * ksampson@hcu.edu