A Balanced Life
"Come to Me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me; For I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls" (Matt. 11:28).
A Balanced Life
I’ve always been active— high energy, multi-focused, type A personality. I tend to try to do it all and all at once. I like to see a project completed and often struggle with waiting things out.
I come by this tendency naturally. I grew up in a house with a father that showed me how to serve others. His work ethic was strong and I began to emulate his work ethic at work and home. While I am thankful for his example, I am also aware that an “all at once” kind of life is often an unbalanced life. When my life is unbalanced, I begin to fall— fall into anxiety, exhaustion, meaninglessness, burnout, and a short fuse. Needless to say, I am no fun to be around.
It’s easy for those in ministry to fall victim to the unbalanced life. We are often expected to manage all the things—our own household plus everyone else's. It’s exhausting and depleting. Our family’s time and energy is often monopolized by our (and our husband’s) ministries. Without healthy boundaries we become very unbalanced, overwhelmed, and burned out.
No amount of ministry outside the house makes up for failure at home.
I don’t want my family to remember how we gave to everyone else but didn’t set up healthy boundaries for our family to breathe, have fun, and just be. We need a respite from the pressures and expectations that often fall on families in ministry. After all, the boundaries we set up for our families are often the ones they carry into their families. So how do we create healthy boundaries for a balanced life?
1. Recognize the signs of burnout.
Check to see if you can relate to these symptoms of burnout:
Low motivation and energy—physical, emotional, mental, spiritual exhaustion
Lack of enthusiasm, creativity, or vision
Feeling like you’re just performing
Desire to withdraw from people and responsibilities
Demoralization and low self-esteem—no longer believing in yourself
Feelings of being overwhelmed
Loss of perspective and joy—enduring rather than enjoying
Prayerlessness
Frustration with intrusions and interruptions
Irritability, intolerance, and impatience
Self-pity
Growing anger and resentment (especially toward those you feel you’re compensating for).
Cynicism, a critical spirit, and discontentment
Defensiveness, hypersensitivity
Physical symptoms (headaches, neck or back pain, ulcers)
Disorganization and forgetfulness
Depression
Anxiety
2. Make sure you take time to invest in and nurture your personal walk with the Lord. Take time to sit at the feet of Jesus on a regular basis. Take time to be still and know that He is God.
3. Take inventory of what you are involved in. Delete (remove those things, responsibilities and people that are unnecessary in your life), delegate (it’s so much more productive to share the load rather than bear it all yourself), and delay (perhaps there are things in your life that don’t suit the season you’re in. Hold on to them for another).
4. Take regular time off. Take time off to be with your family. To have fun. To rest. Spend time with those who help fill you up.
5. Set healthy boundaries. The recipe for burnout is trying to make things happen in people’s lives that you are not responsible for. Healthy boundaries offer so much freedom. Give yourself permission to say “No.” Give yourself permission to turn off your phone. Connect with your family without the distractions of technology.
6. Get enough sleep. The power of sleep is completely underrated.
7. Exercise regularly. Even a fifteen-minute walk will help to ground you and clear your mind.
8. Seek support and counsel. If difficult emotions are feeling overwhelming and unmanageable, seek help. A Christian counselor can be of great help and support to you. Counseling is a safe place to unravel your difficult emotions and get help in creating healthy boundaries.
9. Grieve your losses. Recognize that you may not be able to do all you’ve been doing, and that’s okay. “For everything there is a season” (Eccl. 3:1). Feel your difficult feelings and know it’s healthy to feel and grieve.
10. Build more laughter into your life. Life gets serious in a hurry, and life is too short to miss today. Look for the lovely and praiseworthy moments in your life. Ask God to help you absorb His goodness and faithfulness of your everyday moments.
Remember, perfection is not the goal. Not everything will be perfectly balanced all the time. Life happens. Crisis will occur (in your own life and in the life of your church family). But we can respond to Jesus’ invitation to rest on a regular basis (Matthew 11:28 ). When we do, we will find that our ministries are often better because of it.
Laura Jenkins, ljenkins604@gmail.com