Into the Light

When what is in darkness is brought to light we either can redeem it OR we might find out others have the same thoughts and/or feelings we had previously tried to hide. 

Have you ever gone to your car after a sermon and wept? to your office and offered a tear? to your closet and cried? I have. I wish I could say it was years ago when I was not as mature or was still a novice, but, I must confess, the most recent time was today. It seems every time I think I have this thing called preaching figured out I get a curveball, or I drop the ball, or I just get sacked! Paul’s pen in 1 Corinthians 10 rings sound: “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall” (vs. 12). 

I woke up early, I always do on Sundays. Checked out my slide deck, went over my notes one more time, made another edit or two, I always do. On the drive to the building, I instinctively sang Jesus Loves Me and then breathed my prayed for the day for those I love and will preach to that day, it’s almost second nature. I met with my shepherds and a new family, we welcomed them, prayed with them, hoped to connect with them. One of the elders asked how I was doing and without even thinking I responded: “ask me in two hours and I’ll tell you.” 

Moments before the song before the lesson I told our song leader “I’m really excited about this sermon.” I can’t always say that, but on my best Sunday’s I hit a tipping point when I actually feel like “all systems go.” Today was that day. A full house, our second-largest crowd this year. Lots of guests. Fabulous singing. And somewhere between the floor and John 4, it fell apart. 

I preached too long, I didn’t think I connected, I couldn’t help the audience “get” what “I got” from the amazing text. I’d be shocked if 15% of the crowd even noticed, but I did. I felt I’d failed the saved who needed a Word, the lost who needed a Lifeline, even the Lord who gave me this time. I felt like I had failed and I couldn’t get out of the building and to my car fast enough. Because I knew what was coming. 

And I cried, and I prayed, and I asked God for help, and I committed to be and do better. I need to be reminded I’m still a learner, I’m an amateur, I still have a long way to do. I am still under and not over. I serve and am not served. I am a child, He is the Father. And I trust Him, not me. Thank You God for not quitting on me, I pledge not to quit on You.  

You ever cried after a sermon? I have.