What's In A Name

“Minister’s Wife”

How does that title make your feel?

Do you wear it like a badge of honor?
Do you feel a sense of gratitude for it?
Do you occasionally feel any resentfulness toward it?
Do you feel…indifferent to it?

Do you, perhaps, feel as though all of those feelings could be occurring all at once at any given moment?

Regardless of my personal feelings toward my role as a minister’s wife, I know one thing to be true—it carries weight.

Recently, one Sunday after worship, I had the privilege to meet a young couple who was new to the area and visiting our congregation. As we chatted, one of our Elders broke into the conversation, gave me a nudge and a wink and then pointed to me and said to the couple, “This here is our Preacher’s Wife!” I laughed and retorted, “Well, I reckon the cat’s out of the bag!” as I inserted a good-natured jab at that Elder into the conversation and continued talking to the visitors about our sweet congregation, our fantastic leadership, and our growing community.

When I thought about that interaction later that night, it occurred to me that since my husband has taken on the role of Preaching Minister, I’ve rarely been one to introduce myself as the Preacher’s Wife to visitors without first giving them the opportunity to share a little with me about themselves. Now that’s certainly not because I’m not deeply proud of my husband’s calling and preaching, because I’m his biggest fan. No…it’s because I’ve noticed that guests who have had negative experiences within churches in the past or not much experience with churches at all sometimes shut down or seem uncomfortable opening up about their lives when my husband’s role and my close association with him is the first thing they learn about me.

Sometimes I feel like visitors need to be able to trust that my excitement to meet them is because I sincerely care before they discover my role and they begin to wonder if any ulterior motives exist. I also often prefer to let folks’ first impression of me be my genuinely goofy and awkward side before they make the false assumption that our family belongs on a pedestal. When it comes to making lasting and healthy relationships within the church as a Minister’s Wife, I’ve learned that pedestals become hurdles, they almost always lead folks to disappointment, and they don’t mix well with “fishbowls.”

My very favorite preacher’s wives have always been the ones who know how to share the less-than-ideal parts of their lives (within reason, of course!) and manage to find the humor and grace in them. They are relatable and honest, and they help others remember that grace exists for their imperfect lives too.

I saw that in my Grandmother Tillie, who wore the title of “Preacher’s Wife” for more than 50 years. She was sweet as honey and my grandad constantly made an effort to make it known how special she was to him. Whenever someone would give him a call on the phone, he’d answer it, “Tillie’s Husband, here—how can I help you?” My grandmother truly was a gem of a preacher’s wife, but what I appreciated most was how she made an effort to relate to and respect anyone she encountered. She wanted to make others feel as comfortable around her as possible, and boy, did she succeed.

She likely experienced conflicting emotions about her role from time to time over her decades of service, but she ultimately made the idea of living out life as a Preacher’s Wife look not only doable, but maybe even a little…fun!

When I think of her, I’m reminded that my identity as a “Minister’s Wife” takes a backseat to my identity as a “Christ follower”, and regardless of title, my responsibility as a Christ follower to ”Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:10) remains the same. The Father has placed me in this role at this moment in my life for a reason.

It truly is a blessing to walk alongside my husband in ministry with sincerity and helping folks see that God’s grace is big enough to cover our flaws and failures.

So what about you?

How do you introduce yourself to new people? Do you find it impacts how they interact with you? Who are the Minister’s Wives who have inspired you along the way?

We’d love to hear from you, so please share your thoughts in the comments below!

Melissa Flanagan | Huntsville, AL